enjoying the journey

It is said that the true experience is in enjoying the journey, and not in focusing on the destination. For some reason (faith, perhaps), this statement rings completely true to me – in the depths of who I am, I believe this to be true. So, I sit here now, as I have many times in my life, wondering why…. why…WHY is it so hard for me to simply enjoy this journey. I honestly don’t know what the destination is, so why the hell aren’t I enjoying the journey there?

Don't get me wrong, I do feel blessed, and I feel like I live an enchanted life. I’ve always been protected and never have truly wanted for anything. But there is and has always been a longing for something more…something deeper…. something more profound. Where is the brilliance that I see in others? What is the impact of my life on this earth. What will be my legacy? I want to be, do, experience, live......deeper.

I find that I waste so much time on mundane tasks…. I waste so many hours of this beautiful life in front of the television or just brooding about how I wish my life was more exciting. But this pattern never changes….55 years into this blessed life, and the pattern is still the same. I need to break the pattern.

This blog is another attempt to simply break the pattern. My hope is that it does not go down the same road as many of my past attempts; starting out with full-on gusto only to be covered in cobwebs a mere few weeks later. (Well, let me be honest here, I’m not starting this blog out with full-on gusto. In fact, I’ve avoided it for months since I decided back in November to start again.) I’ve traded sitting down in silence to unleash the brilliance in my mind for, yes, you guessed it, hours of wasted time watching TV! If you’re wondering, even now, the television is on in the background…acting like an internal battery in an electronic device. It’s like I can’t operate without the damn TV streaming images and sounds into my psyche. Ugh

So, I’m going to make a conscious effort to watch less TV and find ways to enjoy the journey of this blessed life my soul has been gifted with. I make a promise to myself to take more time to smell the flowers, to be in nature, to connect with my friends….my actual friends….my friends who I’ve been lucky enough to call my chosen family. I will play with kittens, and I will ride my bike (for enjoyment) and I will dress up and go to a fancy dinner. I will go to the movies, I will try my hand at decorating my apartment, and I will dance naked in my kitchen. I will... I will…. enjoy the journey.